Tag Archives: law of attraction

The Emotional Guidance Scale – How I Used It & How It Might Help You.

The Emotional Guidance Scale by Abraham Hicks is an important tool for me. I use it as a means of becoming aware of my thoughts and feelings, at any given time. More importantly, I use it to choose better thoughts so as to improve my mood and sense of well-being. It has been extremely beneficial to me in times of difficulty. It might be of use to you as well. Here it is –

1 Joy/Appreciation/Empowered/Freedom/Love
2 Passion
3 Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
4 Positive Expectation/Belief
5 Optimism
6 Hopefulness
7 Contentment
8 Boredom
9 Pessimism
10 Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
11 Overwhelment
12 Disappointment
13 Doubt
14 Worry
15 Blame
16 Discouragement
17 Anger
18 Revenge
19 Hatred/Rage
20 Jealousy
21 Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
22 Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness

The Emotional Guidance Scale – Abraham Hicks

I first became aware of Abraham Hicks’ Emotional Guidance Scale shortly after I divorced.  At the time, I was at my lowest point and at the very bottom of the scale.  I was experiencing fear, grief, despair, powerlessness, and insecurity. For a long time, I seemed to be permanent dweller on those two lowest steps.  Add to that a general cynicism and that was where I was in my life – deeply entrenched in those negative feelings.  At that time, much of what once held so much meaning seemed meaningless.

Since that time, I have come to believe that there is value in every life experience and even during my own dark night of the soul, there was a depth to my life. This was the case even in my major emotional pain and discomfort.  It was a time of greater understanding of the human condition.

But, life does go on, and eventually, the desire to feel and experience something better, less draining and more uplifting was so incredibly strong that I started to look to the future.   This situation was also greater than just me as I had 2 children counting on me.

And, this is when the Emotional Guidance Scale became a useful tool.  Being a visual person, the Scale gave me something I could visualise which was helpful. It made everything more tangible and concrete for me.

Awareness of where I was, on the Scale, at any given time, was the key. Knowing where I was, I just needed to reach for the next upward better feeling emotion. I could do this by choosing a better thought and the feeling would follow. I could even skip a step or two and work my way up the Scale.

This is how I used it as I traversed the breadth of the Scale. From my lowest point, the next emotions moving on up the Scale, were jealousy, hatred/rage, and revenge. Looking back, I don’t think I was experiencing these at the time of my divorce. I had certainly experienced jealousy and rage before the divorce. My rage had been personally terrifying and not something I wanted to re-visit.

Moving on up, anger and discouragement were next. Rage had dissipated to more a feeling of anger for me shortly after my divorce. On an emotional see-saw,   I vacillated between these 2 emotions for a while.  Anger would see me motivated to take control of my life and then discouragement would set in – the thought being, what’s the use? – it’s all too hard.

I now think that anger is an important emotion as it can be channelled to bring about change and even move forward in a positive way. It can be a clear message that a boundary has been crossed and re-establishing boundaries is not negative at all. I believe, from the time I had been a young girl, I had been discouraged from expressing anger. To get to finally express it at this time of my life was liberating.

I would encounter the next 3 emotions, blame, worry and doubt, ascending the Scale.   They became my long-time bedfellows. I could go to sleep with these 3 and wake up with them time and time again.  Blame would leave me much sooner than worry and doubt.  Worry and doubt would make me question if I could make something of my life or was it simply too late?

Surprisingly to me, disappointment and overwhelment are actually improved emotions from where I was. I pressed on knowing I just needed to take baby steps. Disappointment and overwhelment still pay me visits now and again, more frequently that I’d like.

Frustration, irritation & impatience are placed at No. 10.  These for me personally, are a diluted version of anger and not always negative, as they usually got me motivated to change course or take some action.

Pessimism and boredom appear next, on the way up. I became more prone to pessimism, as there seemed little time for boredom due to being a single parent. (It was more a case of pessimism and exhaustion going hand in hand for me.)

It seems a big leap from boredom to contentment, but there it is, the next step up on the Scale.  Contentment is number 7 with a bullet. It is the tipping point to the more positive of emotions at the upper echelons of the Scale.  Greater contentment came for me as I was able to manage my own thoughts and practise gratitude and appreciation for the positives. It often came down to stripping everything down to the very basics. I had to let go of the stranglehold I had on materialism. To get to this point, my feelings were… I was enough, there was enough and everything else was superfluous.

Once you can achieve contentment, it just gets better and better. Hopefulness and optimism follow. For me, it was a case of taking baby steps, moving forward then falling down, and getting back up again.  An appreciation for more in my present and feeling optimistic about the future began to replace some of the more negative feelings.

Now, some years on, I find myself more at the upper end of the scale, working on sustaining and experiencing emotions numbers 2 to 5.  This is where I can experience optimism, positive expectation, belief, enthusiasm, eagerness and happiness. I have recovered a sense of passion for my own projects and I also enjoy being a supporter of my children’s passions.

At the top of the charts being number 1 on the Scale, are Joy, Appreciation, Empowered, freedom & love.  I now find it easier to experience appreciation.  I am much more empowered simply by having survived my experience.  Freedom, I realise is more a state of mind. Joy is and has always been fleeting but I have a context now – having also experienced despair.

Naturally, emotions are not fixed and consistent.   I still stumble and can be prone to falling into more negative emotions that can limit me. But, I have the choice to decide how I am going to feel. There is power in knowing that I have the choice in deciding how I am going to feel and knowing where I am on the Emotional Guidance Scale. If I am spiralling downwards, then I can choose to pivot at any time, simply by choosing a better thought. A better thought leads to a better feeling.

I can choose to steady the ship by not being shaken so much by my external circumstances. I know I can’t go from despair to joy in one step, but I can possibly find hope and there is a great relief in that finding. It is all about being aware, living more mindfully and consciously.

Clare Lavender is a mother, creative entrepreneur, a mosaic artist, an accredited life coach, and facilitator of workshops on personal development, The Desire Map (by Danielle LaPorte) and mosaics. As well as offering workshops, Clare offers one on one sessions to women.  These are available to women all around the globe.

Clare has also created her own ‘Daring, Divorced and Divine’ coaching programme for women. This programme is aimed at inspiring, empowering and supporting women to move on to greater well-being following divorce.

In 2013, Clare was privileged to be invited to be part of a compilation book, ‘In the Spirit of Abundance’.  A number of inspiring authors including best-selling authors, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen from the highly successful ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’ book series, were involved, as well as Brian Tracy,  Arielle Ford and local Sandy Forster.

Clare has a strong business background, having worked as a PA/EA and Practice Manager.  She is also trained in human resources management.  Clare has worked in several small to medium legal practices in her local area as well as ‘temping’ in larger practices based in Sydney.  Clare assisted in the set-up and management of  (a family business) and one of the first specialist family law practices in the region before moving on to work in a more creative field.

Clare is a Reiki practitioner.

If you are interested in any further information, working with me one on one or joining a workshop please contact Clare at clare@coaching-i-am.com or visit coaching-i-am.com.

2018 – The Art of Surrender


The Art of Surrender

“Let what wants to come, come
Let what wants to go, go
If it is mine, it will stay
If not, whatever is better will replace it.”
Tosha Silver

The Art of Surrender
Have you ever had to surrender or have you chosen to surrender?    What were the circumstances?  How did you feel when surrendering?  Did you feel empowered or dis-empowered in the process?

 The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines surrender as……..”to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand,
 to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favour of another and  to give (oneself) over to something (such as an influence).”

So, is the act of surrender weak and passive?  I don’t believe so.  There is a process and it can be empowering.

The Process
When it comes to surrendering, I am not advocating giving into another person’s authority or giving in to a bully, for example.  For me, surrendering means reaching for my desires……. and……. dreaming of and creating a life that is in all of my possibilities……..  BUT……without always having a deadline and more importantly without being attached to the outcome.  When it comes to the outcome, I allow room for play.

For me, surrendering involves being in the moment and attempting to be only there – being fully present.   Then, rather than having the knee-jerk reactions to daily events, I give myself a moment for my higher-self or intuition to take the lead.  Do I always do this?  No, I often fall back into my old habits, but awareness is the key to getting back on track.  I am getting better at this process day by day.  The benefits for me are less chaos and greater inner peace.  But, let me show you how an expert does it………….

The Surrender Experiment
With surrender being a topic of great interest to me, it often shows up in my thoughts and also in my discussions with others.  So when The Surrender Experiment, a book by Michael A Singer, showed up for me last Summer, the timing couldn’t be more perfect.  The results of this experiment were truly astounding.I believe that Michael Singer is the absolute master when it comes to the art of surrender.  He gives himself over, unreservedly, to the flow of life. Even as a young college student, Singer had a strong commitment to a spiritual practice involving yoga and meditation.  I have no doubt that this served him well in his experiment.

What does the experiment involve?  In not giving in to his own preferences, Singer simply allows life to flow through him and to him – (which is not really that simple at all).  What flows to him is beyond anything that he could have possibly imagined.    He is always appreciative and grateful for whatever shows up, considering it all as a gift. (Although opportunities appear to show up miraculously, he does work very hard to give the best of himself.)  As well as being appreciative for the opportunities –  it all as a great learning experience. 

“I would eventually learn that everything in life has something to
teach you and that it is all for your growth.”
Michael A. Singer

The synchronicity of all that unfolds before and for Michael Singer is extraordinary.  In the process of surrendering, the right people, resources etc. show up in his life at exactly the right time.  I should point out that he is not striving for more than he already possesses.  Perhaps, that is the key.  He is perfectly content where he is at any given point in time.  When opportunities show up it comes as a huge surprise to him.  The manifestation of these ‘things’ appears to be effortless on his part.  That is the part that I find so extraordinary – always believing that I had to constantly push and strive – often against the flow of life.

In saying ‘yes’ to whatever life leads him to, the author is lead to profound lessons,  deeper connections, new ways of serving and extraordinary success in business.  

This success manifests itself initially in the form of a teaching role, a meditation centre,   a successful building business a billion-dollar medical software company and more.

The Twist
There is a twist – isn’t there always?  This certainly satisfies the sceptic in me.  This twist involves a massive FBI raid, a drawn-out legal process based on completely unfounded accusations. But even this has a positive outcome and more lessons in surrendering and growth.  Needless to say,  Michael Singer is cleared and then goes on to release a book. He becomes a New York Times bestselling author of  ‘The Untethered Soul’ before releasing, The Surrender Experiment, several years later.

Other Views
So, that is one take on surrender, but what do others have to say?

“One misconception is that surrender means passivity,
but in actuality,
it is the opposite: Surrender simply means that you allow
your Higher Consciousness to show you when to act and when to be still.
You can learn to detach from the outcomes
and just let the right action flow through you.”
Tosha Silver

“Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to
 rather than opposing the flow of life.”
Eckart Tolle

“Dream big – dream very big. Work hard – work very hard.
And after you’ve done all you can, you stand, wait and fully surrender.”
Oprah Winfrey

Final Words On Surrender
In letting go and surrendering more to the flow of life, I still find myself looking over my shoulder to see what I left behind.  Surrendering has been an uncomfortable and uneasy process at times. But, it feels so necessary and it is what I feel I am being called to do.

Why?  Because the old ways just weren’t working for me anymore.

In the past, if I desired something I would take action and push until I would make a dent and then find the opening.  But more recently –  when I pushed – the world seemed to push back harder – knocking me off balance so much so that what I was desiring seemed to elude me.  I felt as though I was being guided to a new way and surrendering was the portal through to the other side.

What I draw from my own experience and that of others is……. to master the art of surrender I require patience, courage, gratitude, appreciation, trust and absolute faith. And I need to be open to the lessons that life is bringing to me.   The process of surrender involves learning to rely on my own intuition, gut instinct, inner being or whatever else you wish to call it, shutting out the external noise AND believing that something else will always unfold for me, for my (own and others’)  greater benefit.

Until next time,
Clare xxx